forgive and forget ?

its been years since i last posted something on this blog~ thinking back 3 years ago i was just been betrayed by a friend i just knew and trusted.. huge mistake.. i didnt knew she would do something like that ~~ but at that very moment i didnt really know how to react .. but to just hide my feeelings deep down inside of me .. tried talking to a counsellor but it didnt work.. not even abit.. had the urge to speak to my past form teacher but it maybe because of it she might have thought that i was a troublemaking student that in the end she didnt really bother about me, whether am i dead or not ... that hurts, but who cares.. that year i really didnt know who did that, as in ruining my life by just twisting my words into actions... but then 2 years ago i learnt about it through people whom i knew, i cried hard, just like how i would react if my parents were gone, when i got home .. couldnt believe it but no matter what i had to take it in like an adult just so that my mom wouldnt suspect a thing.. i cried day and night hoping that i could forget about all of it .. but it didnt work.. so i had to fake it all with a smile when i got back into school .. no one knew what i had gone through but just ME, i wanted so much as in to end the pain through death & pain but couldnt, with the persuasion of a few friends .. but then i had this thought; i wanted so much to know why she had to do it .. getting advice from my godbro on what i should do .. he persuaded me day and nights stopping me from asking her the reason. reason being is that not only is he my godbro but he is also her godbro .. in order for me not hurt my godbro i had to listen to him no matter what .. but im just so hurt by the fact that she betrayed me and could even keep it to herself for 4 years .. until now i really have no idea on what should i do.. confused and messed up with school workload .. family problems and this problem.. even though it is a small problem, i still cant forget about it .. i'll just have to count on myself .. fake a smile and try moving on ~~



(if you were to read this .. im not trying to make you feel guity or what .. but its just a feeling that i want to express through typing, easily typed than said..but no matter what you are still my friend, im sorry if you are offended by what i typed.. and you will still be considered as my sister)
(aint there supposingly suppose to have a reason that i had you as a friend?) :)

love my arsey ! :)

Dedicated to my arsey :D <3

No matter what happens to me .. you are always with me ! Always trying to make me laugh ! Even though i always cut myself, your anger will never last a whole day :D heheh ... always trying to help me with my troubles too ! :) i angry with chimpanzee you also help me talk to him ... but in the end his nothing but a PAIN ! & You are always the only one who knows what im thinking...  In conclusion :D  ... im just very thankful to god for giving me a friend like you ! :D &&& YOU‘LL BE MY ‘VICTIM‘ ! hahahah XD

(its like im writing a report) hahah XD jkjk ! :)

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ill rather die & be gone from this world !!

Why are you always picking on me ? What ever i do wont please you ! its always my fault for not doing this nor that ~ everything push to me & i‘ll take the blame~ punishments also i get .. what the fxuk is wrong with your old hag brain ?! Getting rusty or what ?! you always say that i dont listen to you and all that crap shit when the fxuking truth is you are the one who doesnt listen to me ? You have no fxuk up idea what im going throught & and all you do to care about me is to scream , scold , nag at me !

everyday ive to cry myself to sleep & cry myself to carry on the day ... i have friends that doesnt treat me as a friend but a ball ~~ i have friends that literally treat me invisible / transparent ! everyday im trying to talk to them. But they always give me an attitude that says ‘ i dont want you to hang out with us ‘ that sort of thing .. some how i feel like a stranger on this planet!! the closest & only friend that i trust has seem to distant away from me ~~ every year‘s 2 month holiday she doesnt seem to ask me out ~ & whenever i ask her out she seem to always be busy ~ i just dont why ~ it seems like she‘ve change alot alot ~ not only i notice that but my god brother also noticed that... it seems like the girl i knew before isnt around to help me anymore :( & now im all alone to fight this war with friends, family & relationship ~ what should i do ? what CAN i do ? im in a state of confusion ! @.@

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Hold My Heart - Tenth Avenue North

How long must I pray, must I pray to You?
How long must I wait, must I wait for You?
How long 'til I see Your face, see You shining through?
I'm on my knees, begging You to notice me.
I'm on my knees, Father will You turn to me?
One tear in the driving/dropping rain,
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?
One life, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Would You come close and hold my heart
I've been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes
So much can slip away before I say goodbye.
But if there's no other way, I'm done asking why.
I'm on my knees, begging You to turn to me
I'm on my knees, Father will You run to me?
One tear in the dropping rain,
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?
One life, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Would You come close and hold my heart.
So many questions without answers, Your promises remain
I can't see but I'll take my chances to hear You call my name
To hear You call my name
One tear in the driving/dropping rain,
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?
One life, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Won't You come close and hold my heart.
Hold my heart, could you hold my heart?
Hold my heart.


this song is one of my favourite
relates to alot of things in my life <3
hope you readers enjoy it like i do

with love,
Melodymusic (Y)

life‘s confusion & complication

I really dont get it ? Sometimes people will do anything to make sure one‘s life is miserable as that person has done something which upset him/her . But that problem will always be said to another person just so long as he/she can get some complication & confusion off their chest. But sometimes people can in just a few seconds befriend that person he/she hates .

Im not pointing fingers at who i know or even knew before & after but this sort of mind set i know that its relatively good for some people. In saying this, actually this does no effect on me, i wont be jealous, angry, sad, happy, mad or anything. I just get a very weird feeling ~ people always say ‘i dont like you‘ etc. at the very moment when they are angry, but hours later ‘omg,why you do this?‘ etc. .. its maybe weird for a little percent of the people to get this fact

In conclusion i just hope that everyone in future can find the best friend he/she can find and can keep trusting each other for that!! friends are definetely important to me & to others !

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life sucks for me =[]

Why does it always happen to me ? every scolding every bitting every small little thing ... why does it alwys happen onto me ? i just dont get it! why manx ? =[]

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seriously,you guys should just .....

I seriously cannot take it anymore! what so ever i do it won't please you ! whatever i want you‘ll just ignore and walk away ! If you guys seriously hate me that much, why not just end my life immediately manx! I'm really sick of it! you people treat me like a bloody freaking dog! ordering me around, doing these and doing that!!!!! FML! Damn it! i.just wish that one very fine day ill just get run down by one car and that would just be best thing in my entire life!!!!!! neednt worry about school, classmates, friends,psychotic people! argh! what do you people want from me? =@I'm so.sorry man's , but i seriously cannt take it anymore!! i just wanna be gone right now this very second! argh ! If you guys hate me that much why in the fucking world you brought me into this troublesome world???? everyday i just can't wait for my life to end so that i no need face your bloody face!! I know you like him better me n i don't give a DAMN!!!! kill me if you want!!!!

typed by
@blueskyessloveer!!!!!
WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME?????!!!!!